Disciplining Your Child In a Way That Actually Works

 From childhood, we have been taught to behave in a disciplined manner. Discipline is probably the most misunderstood word in the world of parenting and teaching. It is not a matter of control or just obeying a set of rules.

What is it then?

It's about guiding children to choose right over wrong, teaching them responsible behavior, empathy and self-control. Discipline is about setting rules to stop your little one from engaging in behavior that's aggressive, dangerous or inappropriate.

How soon should we start?

As early as possible. Six years ago, when I got discharged from hospital after my delivery, the only thing my Paed told me was "disciplining your child right from day 1 is as important as you feed him". She is such a lovely and gracious lady and I would never forget her words. Teaching self-discipline while they are young can help them throughout their life. Whatever the child's age, it is important to be consistent.

How to guide?

Just the plain word discipline or rules will never work. Warm but firm parenting that encourages good behavior is the best way to guide children. Speak out to the child very often and make them understand why such behaviors are important. When your child follows rules, give them a lot of recognition. Below are some factors that will help the disciplining process easier.

• Building a strong emotional connect with your child.
• Spending time with them
• Playing and having fun with them
• Listening to them and allowing them to take their own decision at times

When disciplining won't work

When the child has to face any of these situations frequently, they never dare to listen to us and rebel.

• Too much of criticizing
• Comparing them with other kids
• Shouting at them
• Nagging them etc

We can classify the child's act into Negotiable Behaviour and Non-Negotiable Behavior

Negotiable Behavior is where your child needs a warning or support to act in a disciplined manner and it is okay for the child to take some time to learn. Suppose if you make 8.30 as the bedtime and the child really can't sleep, then the parents should understand its quite common for kids to get set to a regular bedtime in the initial days and have to find out strategies that help the child go to sleep. Try implementing the strategies regularly. It is fine even if it takes a lot of time for the child to get the sleep. For that reason do not allow them to go to the bed late. Be persistent on 8.30. Eventually (might be days or weeks or months), it will happen and from then on the process will be smoother.

Non-Negotiable Behavior is something which is not acceptable for any reason/situation and has to be clearly spelled out to the child. Make clear eye contact with the child while explaining about non-negotiable behaviors.  And stick onto it at all times, strictly NO exceptions. For instance, using abusive/foul language on others, inappropriate acts that hurt someone etc. Being unvarying is very important in this kind of behavior. It's not like one day I am OK with it because I am busy with some work and don't have time to deal with it, and the next day I get angry with the child saying it's not correct. It's extremely important that every single family member, be it the parents or grandparents or uncle or aunt stand on the same line.

Remote Commands will not work at all times. You ask your child to do something really simple, like pick up the toys and put them back in their place. After a while when you finish your work and go to check on the child and everything stays as such. I know this will be very frustrating for the moms. The trick lies in the way how you phrase the sentence. For example, when you are initially guiding your child put their toys back in place during bedtime, you can say something like "Seems like your cars need some repair. Let's take them to the mechanic shop and leave them there overnight to get them fixed". The child will be super excited and do as you say. Once he/she gets used to such kind of clean up before bedtime, then something like "its clean up time now and once you are done you can pick any of your favorite books for story time" will work. What happens here is the enthusiastic level gets triggered by the word " they can choose their storybook" and the work gets done instantly. And the clean up becomes a routine for them. Occasionally, your child may not be interested to pick up their toys. During then, instead of pushing them hard to do that, we can just say "Its ok dear, if you are really tired, mom can help you just for today and you have to do it by yourself tomorrow". So the expectation that the toys has to be cleaned up by the child daily is clearly set.

Disciplining is a process. It needs time, effort, patience, a whole lot of new ideas and hard work. Also, we have to understand that, each child is different and each child needs a different approach to make them understand things. What works for one child immediately, might take longer for the other child to understand. We as parents need to figure out the way that works best for them. It's challenging, but not impossible!

P.S Thank you for going through my article. Each parent is an Encyclopaedia when it comes to raising a child. Strategies are never-ending. Would love to hear from you, what works for your child? Kindly share them in the comments section below!

Raise a reader - help your child get ready to read!

 I have a young reader at home who doesn't want to miss his reading time any day. There have been many times when he is tired at night with drooping eyes, and I ask him to stop reading after few pages. But he insists on finishing the whole story first and then sleeping. However, this does not mean he dozes off as soon as he closes the book since what follows next is another few minutes of discussion. First of all, let me tell you that I am not a vivid reader. I just love to read, but only if I have ample time and you know what it means. But I started the reading routine for my son when he was around 2. He used to be very active all through the day and nights, making him sleep was such a tedious task for us. He wouldn't settle down that quickly. But when I say bedtime, instantly he would go grab a book, come and sit in my lap. He would love to listen to stories, turn pages, look at the pictures, touch and feel them. His love and bonding towards books started growing along with him. Nurturing a love of reading is a process that can last a lifetime. Here's a list of few things that I thought might be helpful for parents for raising/encouraging a little reader.     

1. Start as early as possible

Start a reading routine as early as possible. You can even read when the baby is in the womb. But still, its never too late to read. You can start reading at any age, any stage. Choose age-appropriate books, keep them on your lap or snuggle with them. They would enjoy both the warmth and the story. For infants and toddlers, moving your finger along with the words as you read help them keep focused.

2. Let your child choose their book

One of the most interesting things about reading is the joy of picking a book that catches his/her eye. Let them look at the book cover or read the pages inside and select the book. This will help build their excitement and interest needed to read the book.

3. Keep the books accessible

Books should be reachable and accessible for them at any point of time. That way, as and when they cross the bookshelf or the place of the book, they will be attracted towards books. With a tiny chair or any reading table placed nearby, you would soon notice them grabbing up a book and sitting comfortably going through the pages. You can keep a set of books even in your car when going on a long journey

4. Read Aloud

Reading aloud with your child keeps them not only focused, also connects the reader and listener in a very intimate way. They may ask you read a particular sentence or a story itself over and over again, just go with it. Never be lazy to read them any number of times.  Also reading aloud helps them learn the rhythm of the language and correct pronunciation.

5. Be expressive and use modulation

Make the story come alive. Create distinctive voices for the characters in a story, and use appropriate modulation at right time. The way you modulate your voice stimulates a response in your child and this is what pulls them into the story. Encourage him/her to participate too. They would love mimicking the story.

6. Set a routine

During the early days of reading, setting a reading time and sticking onto it regularly will help the child. Mostly a routine before bedtime will work for most of the kids. Find one that works best for you and your child.

7. Encourage your child to talk about the book

Involve your child as you read. Ask them questions like what will happen next, how a character might be feeling, or how the book makes them feel. Let your child take his/her own time to respond. Encourage your child's questions and explanations too. Allow your child to retell the story. By discussing the story, you help them develop literacy skills.

8. Visit a library as and when possible

Take your kids to the library whenever possible. Regular library visits inevitably lead to more reading. When you visit the library, you can expose your children to more books and magazines. A child feels more trustworthy and responsible when he owns a library card. Also, make regular outings to your local bookstore or hunt for low-cost books at used bookstores or second-hand shops, and show kids that finding a good book is like a treasure hunt. Keep adding more and more books to their collection.

9. Don't reward with reading

Never tell your child he/she can listen to a story only if she finishes the dinner. When reading is associated with systems of reward and punishment, it isn't a positive experience for them. Children develop reading habits at their own pace. Also, when we say reading, it doesn't mean just books. Reading a newspaper or even a pamphlet is also reading. So as parents, we need to understand that anything that children read is alright, as long as they are making an effort to read. Hope these tips come in handy for parents who are looking for ways to instill the habit of reading in their children. 

Good luck, raising a reader!

P.S Thank you for going through my article. I am sure there are many other tips too that you would have come across; I would love to hear about the other ways too. Kindly share them in the comments section below!