We love our kids so much that we want to do everything for them, right from waking them up in the morning, packing their school bags, keeping their shoes polished, picking up after them until doing their bed for sleep; it makes us feel content and happy. We think this is one way of letting them know how much we love and care for them. But really, we have to STOP doing that for our kids. Because we are doing more harm than good!
By a certain age, children are capable of doing many things for themselves. Even a two-year-old is competent enough to put their sippy cup in the sink, throw the trash in the trash can, clean up their toys. If we make it as a habit, they tend to follow. Put it this way, kids of today are capable of handling all gadgets, won't they be able to manage their simple duties? The raw truth is we are afraid of taking the pain of teaching them few times and wait patiently for them to accomplish the task. Especially when we are in a hurry or need something to be done quickly, it is easier to just take charge and do it ourselves.
No matter, why we do it. It's not healthy, it does nothing to serve their needs in life. We need to realize that our child will spend innumerable hours away from us, and there are things that they need to be able to do on their own.
As parents, we need to empower our kids to be independent and capable of handling their own situation when they can be, so they will grow up into more responsible and confident adults. For tots and kids, we can give age-appropriate chores, break tasks into small pieces and teach one step at a time, trust me they will enjoy doing them. Let them wash their soiled plates, put the dirty clothes in the laundry basket, fold their clothes, clean their room. They may take some extra time to finish it off, but they'll get to learn. That's more important. It's absolutely ok to do things when we are running late. At the same time, ensure they learn that they are responsible for their action/belongings. Let them learn to face the consequences, for the uncompleted job.
Once our child enters into middle school, I think we have to step back a little. Let them manage things on their own. Pitch in and help only when they “struggle”. If we tend to save them every single time, they will be habituated and take everything for granted. Never try to jump in and “fix” the situation. The more we do for them, we are making them feel inadequate. Help, but don’t take over.
It is a fine line and a hard line to walk. When to do and when t0 stop - identify that. Definitely, it will differ for each child. Remember to tailor your approach, based on your child’s needs. Maybe we'll need to explain things over and over until the child really understands. Or find creative ways to teach and reinforce new skills. As I always state in my other articles, a mom knows her child better than anyone else.
Love doesn’t mean doing and giving everything kids ask for. Love means doing the right thing at the right time. That's what our parents did for us, right? Happy Parenting!
P.S When it comes to raising a kid, there isn't always one single methodology. Each kid is different and so are the strategies too. Would love to hear from you, what works for your child? Please share your experience in the comments box below.
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