Screen time is not bad, when you choose the right content!

 I was totally shaken to read that a seven-year-old girl died after setting herself on fire while trying to enact a scene from a TV show.  Her mother had revealed that the kid was hooked to the show and would watch it regularly. According to her, the little girl had taken some waste papers and set it on fire and tried to dance in the middle of it, just imitating a scene from the TV show. Her clothes got fire and she was set ablaze. It is extremely unfortunate that this beautiful little girl lost her life in such a terrible manner.

Now, should we say stop all the serials or those mad reality shows first? Or never allow kids to watch TV or use a gadget? It’s a major lesson for the adults here. Let it be a TV or a gadget; a Kid on its own will never learn to hook on to a show or a game. In the first place, it must have been the parents or guardians who would have introduced it to them. I know most of the times it’s much easier for the parents to give them some screentime so that we can peacefully do some households or get some relaxing time. What kind of shows can they watch and for how long, are the ones to be noted.  Give them some good and age-appropriate content. Be aware of what your children are watching. Kids really don’t have to look at those horrible serials or action movies or those romantic songs and imitate them.  Stop them right away and tell them it’s a bad move and not everything that comes up in a movie or TV can be mocked.

We can give them a guilt-free screentime if we have some ground rules of WHEN, HOW MUCH & WHAT CONTENT. Most of the times we would have heard “No screen time (TV, tablet, phone, computer) until 2 years”. I have personally experienced the adverse effects of that. Being at a foreign land, taking care of our little one all alone was not that easy, I was in need of some breathing time and I started allowing him to watch rhymes and non-violent animated series even before he turned 1. Not too much though, we did have our own share of troubles in terms of his food habits, sleeping patterns and speech delays. And it took months and years for us to get things right. Now I totally believe its better to keep them away from the TV and those gadgets atleast until 18 months, as the first couple of years are very crucial for the child’s brain development. Preschoolers can have not more than 1 hour of screen time throughout the day, is what the recommendation says. And for kids and teens, it's better to restrict it to be 2 hours per day and not more than 30-45 mins at a single stretch.

Take a stand on What they can watch? Any non-violent, non-abusive content in moderation should be okay. We can teach them which is a good show and which is not, just like we teach them on good and bad touch or good and bad manners. We can explain why it is not meant for them, talking to your child always works well.

Let them stay away from those commercials. Kids under 7 really can’t distinguish much between make-believe and reality which makes them vulnerable to advertising. At all times, keep insisting that, let it be an advertisement or a cartoon show or a movie, whatever they see doesn’t have to be replicated in a real time. Never keep the TV On as a background (at least when the child is around), when you are busy in the kitchen or doing laundry because that will only draw the child’s attention. Once their screen time is over, it's better to turn off the TV and the put the remote away. Set TV/screen time rules for weekdays and weekends and stick to them. That will prevent them spending too much time on it.

Be a guide and role model for your children. By setting healthy limits on screen time and knowing what your child is watching and playing, you can help make the most of your child's media use.

Stop Littering; Start Segregating

 Recently, the photo of a load of plastics in the gut of a shark that washed ashore galvanized volunteers for a coastal cleanup drive. Information says, so far they have removed two tonnes of plastics and 5000 bottles. Only 2% of the waste collected was of fish waste and 55% is plastic. Seems scary and disturbing right? Though a Coastal cleanup can make a difference, it alone can’t solve the problem. It’s high time for all of us to examine our lifestyle.

It's only relatively in the recent years we have moved towards the use and throw culture. For many, years, it was perfectly acceptable to eat food and throw it out of the window, because it would decompose naturally as people were only eating naturally grown products with no fancy wrappings or bottled juices. Now everything is compactly packed. Only the contents can be consumed, the skeleton has to go to the garbage. And moreover, it is very easy to throw the trash roadside or out of the car window rather than looking for a dustbin to trash it.

Can providing more bins or collecting them regularly help sort it out? Garbage from the bins ends up with landfills as there is no proper place or method for disposal. Rather than dumping and complaining the authorities, the easiest way is to segregate wastes at the household level. Do we know that 90% of the household wastes can be recycled? Only if the rest 10% gets into the garbage bin, think how much landfill can be avoided. Major chunks of paper, carton boxes, plastics, aluminum tins etc can be sold to Kabadiwalas and recycled. I have seen my mom and sis doing that for years and I have been trailing them. All that we need is a little extra effort and someplace in our house for a container to collect the recyclable wastes. Now, even my little chap knows which one has to go to the bin and which one should go to the recycle box, even a broken sharpener will find its way to the recycle box.

During my school days, I remember using those old calendar sheets for covering books, the plastic covers we get while buying new clothes will again turn into a safe wrapper on top of books, old greeting cards reused for some craft activity or creating another greeting card for a friend, newspapers to cover the shelves, carton boxes as storage boxes, glass bottles reused in the kitchen and much more. But this is a new era, we just want everything to look new and hence throw them after a single use.

Let’s follow the three R's “Reduce, Reuse and Recycle”. Reduce means generate less garbage or fully use the thing and then treat it as a garbage. Reuse means try to use it again and again in a healthy manner instead of throwing it away after the very first use itself. For example, if you buy a pickle in a glass bottle, after consuming use that bottle for kitchen storage. Similarly Recycle means, instead of disposing of everything, sort them from the things which can be made reusable after slight treatment, like papers, bottles, cans, tins etc.

After all, it's our Planet and we have many generations to come, their world doesn't have to be so bleak. We need as many hands as possible for protecting our mother nature. Please join in with your family and friends!

Helping Kids Cope, When Things Don’t Go Their Way!

 Kids get disappointed easily. A mixed emotion of sadness, hurt, anger and frustration is never easy for them to handle. As parents, our heart aches for their pain and intuitively, we want to comfort them. So we hover around and try to protect them at all costs. But, that may not be correct.

No matter how old your child, he or she might have to deal with day-to-day mini disappointments. Whether it’s winning a race, their play time being ruined by rain, not invited for a play, not being the best friend of someone they like, getting low grades and so on. These are part of growing up; let kids have their fair share of disappointments at an early age. Our job is to teach them how to bounce back so that they can cope better for future letdowns.  

Here are some tips to help them handle disappointments:

Listen, Just Listen;

When a child is disappointed, hurt or upset and is opening up to talk, they won’t be ready to listen for any advises/suggestions. The minute a child says “He did that to me”, “She said that to me”, we tend to react and start telling them what is right and wrong. But, the best thing would be to “listen” without interrupting. Half the problem will be solved, the moment they realize we are listening to them.

Teach your child to calm himself

There is a strategy song in Daniel Tiger’s Neighbourhood series (PBSKids). When you feel so mad, that you want to roar, take a deep breath. And count to four 1, 2,3,4... This would work for my 6 year old. Find a self-calming technique that works for your child. They can be something like taking deep breaths, drinking the magic calming juice(water), writing down their feelings, reading a book, physical movements like running, jumping, dancing etc., Kids should be able to figure out calming down on their own by the time they turn 10 or even before that.

Learn from the incident!

Once they have calmed down and when they’re in a good mood, talk to them. Show your care and love. Ask questions like “What do you think of this situation” or “Why do you think he behaved like that” or “Do you think we can find a way out of it?” Asking questions makes them feel important and also helps them understand the situation better. Remind them how good it felt when they bounced back from a past letdown.

It is important to let the child know that they are always loved for who they are. Help them develop healthy self-esteem and a lifelong ability to cope with setbacks, which is a valuable gift you can give your children.

Hope you found this interesting! If you have any other ideas to help children handle disappointment, please share them in the comments section below. Sure it will be useful to other parents as well!

Until next time, Happy Parenting!  

#MeToo; A dreamer for harassment free world!

 A decade back, an activist Tarana Burke created a campaign called MeToo, to help the survivors of sexual harassment. The floodgates were reopened on Sunday night when American Actress Alyssa Milano kicked off the movement by posting on behalf of her friend that any woman who has suffered sexual nuisance could tweet #MeToo, so that people would get a serious idea about the sheer magnitude of the problem. 

May it be a verbal abuse or stalking or inappropriate touching. Within hours, tweets with the words “me too” began appearing in masses, women across the globe started joining in with their own tales. For some, the pervert was a stranger and for few, it was their own family member or a colleague or a boss.

For a lot of people, #metoo is empowering, giving them an opportunity to break their silence in an atmosphere of acceptance. While many people are praising the guts of the women who are posting it, there are others who just say nothing is going to change because of this.

True, nothing is going to stop because of this. But at least it can be the beginning of a fight. It can be a moment of realization for women that “You are the only person who can defend yourself; no one will come to rescue, so be brave and confident.”

Most of the times, those devils who tease or try to harass will step back if you raise your voice. They cannot take it up when you react, yell, protest or fight back. You don't need to know Martial arts to protect you. Anything and everything you have, may it be an object or just words can help defend. Rather than being a victim, it's high time we learn how to respond to a crucial situation.  

Let the dream of harassment-free environment come true with the way we bring up our kids. Gender-biased rules or discipline should be eliminated. Each and every individual has to be self-disciplined, mannered and empathetic.

Let harassment become history!

P.S Thanks for going through my article. I'm sure you would have more strategies that worked for you. Please share them in the comments section below. Would love to hear from you!

A gratitude to the man who loves me to the core!

 It’s my favorite day today, my birthday. When a special person is around you, you would love that day, right? For the whole week, I woke up to find a surprise gift lying for me to be opened, every single day :-). You can imagine how much a girl would fly when she receives a gift. There’s no better feeling than feeling loved.  

But, I was feeling too emotional and guilty too. Because I knew how busy he was for the past few weeks. Working from 9 am to 1 am the next day, on all days is not an easy thing.  He literally had no time to think about anything, not even about his sleep or relaxing a bit or some time for himself.  I wondered how he managed to go and buy those gifts, came to know that he bought everything on a single day and kept them at his desk. Each day while leaving office (around 12.30 or 1 am), even if he was overblown with a hectic day’s work, he never forgot to pick the gift for that morning.  

We had plans of going to temple and for a lunch out today. By the time I was doing some clean up after the breakfast and getting ready, he was still working. Usually, when he works, he will be very diligent and totally into it. But today morning he never uttered a single word that he had something on his plate which he has to complete before tonight. The day was just awesome with a good Dharshan at temple, lovely food and with some shopping.  As we reached home a bit early, I thought I can finish the laundry so that I will have some buffer time for preparing Diwali sweets the next day. Usually, after a tiresome day, he would prefer going for a nap. Was expecting the same today, but to my surprise, he was on his laptop. Little concerned, I asked “Do you have to work kanna?” and he said just a bit and will be done in a while. So I continued with my pending work. Of late, I found he was on a call with one of his techie friends and the work mode was turned ON gradually. (He was still in his world of work even by the time I posted this)

The person on the other side of the call seems to have committed to his family that they would dine out today. Meanwhile, VJ was working on something, person X took them out for a quick dinner and came back to join the work.  Who said men never keep up their words. They do! That is why they are able to squeeze in and spend some quality time with their kids, whenever possible. That is why they manage to take their family for a weekend outing even if they wanted to laze around. And that’s why they don’t have any time for themselves. They just do everything, every single thing for their family. Happiness in the family alone can bring smiles on his face.

Please do not ask me “Are we, women not dedicated or sacrificing for the sake of the family?”  It’s all about mutual support and bonding which we build. He is the backbone for her and She is the backbone for him. Let’s value each other and Let Love Grow!!!

P.S Thank you for going through my article. Your comments would add more value to my blog. So please share your feedback in the comments section below.

Are you doing too much for your child? – You’re not helping them long term

 We love our kids so much that we want to do everything for them, right from waking them up in the morning, packing their school bags, keeping their shoes polished, picking up after them until doing their bed for sleep; it makes us feel content and happy. We think this is one way of letting them know how much we love and care for them. But really, we have to STOP doing that for our kids. Because we are doing more harm than good! 

By a certain age, children are capable of doing many things for themselves. Even a two-year-old is competent enough to put their sippy cup in the sink, throw the trash in the trash can, clean up their toys. If we make it as a habit, they tend to follow. Put it this way, kids of today are capable of handling all gadgets, won't they be able to manage their simple duties? The raw truth is we are afraid of taking the pain of teaching them few times and wait patiently for them to accomplish the task. Especially when we are in a hurry or need something to be done quickly, it is easier to just take charge and do it ourselves.

No matter, why we do it. It's not healthy, it does nothing to serve their needs in life. We need to realize that our child will spend innumerable hours away from us, and there are things that they need to be able to do on their own.

As parents, we need to empower our kids to be independent and capable of handling their own situation when they can be, so they will grow up into more responsible and confident adults. For tots and kids, we can give age-appropriate chores, break tasks into small pieces and teach one step at a time, trust me they will enjoy doing them. Let them wash their soiled plates, put the dirty clothes in the laundry basket, fold their clothes, clean their room. They may take some extra time to finish it off, but they'll get to learn. That's more important. It's absolutely ok to do things when we are running late. At the same time, ensure they learn that they are responsible for their action/belongings. Let them learn to face the consequences, for the uncompleted job.

Once our child enters into middle school, I think we have to step back a little. Let them manage things on their own. Pitch in and help only when they “struggle”. If we tend to save them every single time, they will be habituated and take everything for granted. Never try to jump in and “fix” the situation. The more we do for them, we are making them feel inadequate. Help, but don’t take over.

It is a fine line and a hard line to walk.  When to do and when t0 stop - identify that. Definitely, it will differ for each child. Remember to tailor your approach, based on your child’s needs. Maybe we'll need to explain things over and over until the child really understands. Or find creative ways to teach and reinforce new skills. As I always state in my other articles, a mom knows her child better than anyone else. 

Love doesn’t mean doing and giving everything kids ask for. Love means doing the right thing at the right time. That's what our parents did for us, right?  Happy Parenting!

P.S When it comes to raising a kid, there isn't always one single methodology. Each kid is different and so are the strategies too. Would love to hear from you, what works for your child? Please share your experience in the comments box below. 

How To Keep Your Kid Comfortable During Fever?

 Although fever is common all around the year, viruses have a seasonality and monsoon is one time when viral fevers are very prevalent.  As parents, we do everything we can to keep our kids healthy.  No matter how much ever preventive measures we take, at one point or other our kid will get sick.  It's so disturbing to watch our usually happy and energetic child look tired and inactive.  We all know that fever is a body’s reaction to fight off an infection. Whether you consult a doctor or not, depends on your child’s age and symptoms. Along with that, it is very important to help them feel more comfortable.  So, apart from the regular pain relieving medicines, sponging and ample sleep here’s what I follow for my little one.

Well hydrated

We would have heard this at all times from the doctors or our well-wishers. What does this mean? A sick kid will have a change in appetite and gets dehydrated quickly. Warm liquids will be more appealing than solids. So give them frequent small portions of fluids like vegetable soup,  sweet lime juice diluted with water and honey, milk, barley rice water, plain warm water with honey etc.

Feeding them with solids

We can offer them some easy to digest foods like idly, idiyappam, rice porridge/kanji,  rasam rice, moong dal kichdi or rice etc. It is ok even if they eat very less, never force them to eat. For a day or two, we can try to balance with liquids.

Keep them diverted/engaged

A child will not have a high temperature at all times during the course of a fever.  He/she will seem to be little better when the temperature reduces. During then you can keep them engaged with stories or some word games while still on a bed/sofa. A little bit of TV time is also ok. But make sure they are not too much into that as their eyes will get strained. 

Hugs and cuddles

As the little one will feel low and clingy when sick, lots of hugs and cuddles will soothe them. Give plenty of them. Also, talk to them. Tell them that they are very strong that the germs will go off in a day or two and they will be on their toes up and be playing as usual.  

After fever care

Most of the time, a viral fever or the high temperature will subside within 3-5 days.  But the child will still have a lot of tiredness and body pain. Hence plenty of rest and a good diet after the fever is even more important.  We don’t have to stop on the liquids once the temperature gets back to normal.  They are still needed to boost up the immune system.  We can include easy to digest vegetables like carrots, boiled potatoes and high water content vegetables (ridge gourd, pumpkin, bottle gourd, chow chow/chayote) , moong dal and fruits like apple etc.  Salt water gargle a couple of times will ease a sore throat, which is likely to develop along with a viral fever.  With all these, definitely you can give your child a quick recovery from the awful fever.

Bottom line is understanding the way your kid responds to a variety of methods and keep them comfortable during illness. 

P.S Thank you for going through my article. Would love to hear more tips from you. Kindly share them in the comments section below!

Disciplining Your Child In a Way That Actually Works

 From childhood, we have been taught to behave in a disciplined manner. Discipline is probably the most misunderstood word in the world of parenting and teaching. It is not a matter of control or just obeying a set of rules.

What is it then?

It's about guiding children to choose right over wrong, teaching them responsible behavior, empathy and self-control. Discipline is about setting rules to stop your little one from engaging in behavior that's aggressive, dangerous or inappropriate.

How soon should we start?

As early as possible. Six years ago, when I got discharged from hospital after my delivery, the only thing my Paed told me was "disciplining your child right from day 1 is as important as you feed him". She is such a lovely and gracious lady and I would never forget her words. Teaching self-discipline while they are young can help them throughout their life. Whatever the child's age, it is important to be consistent.

How to guide?

Just the plain word discipline or rules will never work. Warm but firm parenting that encourages good behavior is the best way to guide children. Speak out to the child very often and make them understand why such behaviors are important. When your child follows rules, give them a lot of recognition. Below are some factors that will help the disciplining process easier.

• Building a strong emotional connect with your child.
• Spending time with them
• Playing and having fun with them
• Listening to them and allowing them to take their own decision at times

When disciplining won't work

When the child has to face any of these situations frequently, they never dare to listen to us and rebel.

• Too much of criticizing
• Comparing them with other kids
• Shouting at them
• Nagging them etc

We can classify the child's act into Negotiable Behaviour and Non-Negotiable Behavior

Negotiable Behavior is where your child needs a warning or support to act in a disciplined manner and it is okay for the child to take some time to learn. Suppose if you make 8.30 as the bedtime and the child really can't sleep, then the parents should understand its quite common for kids to get set to a regular bedtime in the initial days and have to find out strategies that help the child go to sleep. Try implementing the strategies regularly. It is fine even if it takes a lot of time for the child to get the sleep. For that reason do not allow them to go to the bed late. Be persistent on 8.30. Eventually (might be days or weeks or months), it will happen and from then on the process will be smoother.

Non-Negotiable Behavior is something which is not acceptable for any reason/situation and has to be clearly spelled out to the child. Make clear eye contact with the child while explaining about non-negotiable behaviors.  And stick onto it at all times, strictly NO exceptions. For instance, using abusive/foul language on others, inappropriate acts that hurt someone etc. Being unvarying is very important in this kind of behavior. It's not like one day I am OK with it because I am busy with some work and don't have time to deal with it, and the next day I get angry with the child saying it's not correct. It's extremely important that every single family member, be it the parents or grandparents or uncle or aunt stand on the same line.

Remote Commands will not work at all times. You ask your child to do something really simple, like pick up the toys and put them back in their place. After a while when you finish your work and go to check on the child and everything stays as such. I know this will be very frustrating for the moms. The trick lies in the way how you phrase the sentence. For example, when you are initially guiding your child put their toys back in place during bedtime, you can say something like "Seems like your cars need some repair. Let's take them to the mechanic shop and leave them there overnight to get them fixed". The child will be super excited and do as you say. Once he/she gets used to such kind of clean up before bedtime, then something like "its clean up time now and once you are done you can pick any of your favorite books for story time" will work. What happens here is the enthusiastic level gets triggered by the word " they can choose their storybook" and the work gets done instantly. And the clean up becomes a routine for them. Occasionally, your child may not be interested to pick up their toys. During then, instead of pushing them hard to do that, we can just say "Its ok dear, if you are really tired, mom can help you just for today and you have to do it by yourself tomorrow". So the expectation that the toys has to be cleaned up by the child daily is clearly set.

Disciplining is a process. It needs time, effort, patience, a whole lot of new ideas and hard work. Also, we have to understand that, each child is different and each child needs a different approach to make them understand things. What works for one child immediately, might take longer for the other child to understand. We as parents need to figure out the way that works best for them. It's challenging, but not impossible!

P.S Thank you for going through my article. Each parent is an Encyclopaedia when it comes to raising a child. Strategies are never-ending. Would love to hear from you, what works for your child? Kindly share them in the comments section below!

Raise a reader - help your child get ready to read!

 I have a young reader at home who doesn't want to miss his reading time any day. There have been many times when he is tired at night with drooping eyes, and I ask him to stop reading after few pages. But he insists on finishing the whole story first and then sleeping. However, this does not mean he dozes off as soon as he closes the book since what follows next is another few minutes of discussion. First of all, let me tell you that I am not a vivid reader. I just love to read, but only if I have ample time and you know what it means. But I started the reading routine for my son when he was around 2. He used to be very active all through the day and nights, making him sleep was such a tedious task for us. He wouldn't settle down that quickly. But when I say bedtime, instantly he would go grab a book, come and sit in my lap. He would love to listen to stories, turn pages, look at the pictures, touch and feel them. His love and bonding towards books started growing along with him. Nurturing a love of reading is a process that can last a lifetime. Here's a list of few things that I thought might be helpful for parents for raising/encouraging a little reader.     

1. Start as early as possible

Start a reading routine as early as possible. You can even read when the baby is in the womb. But still, its never too late to read. You can start reading at any age, any stage. Choose age-appropriate books, keep them on your lap or snuggle with them. They would enjoy both the warmth and the story. For infants and toddlers, moving your finger along with the words as you read help them keep focused.

2. Let your child choose their book

One of the most interesting things about reading is the joy of picking a book that catches his/her eye. Let them look at the book cover or read the pages inside and select the book. This will help build their excitement and interest needed to read the book.

3. Keep the books accessible

Books should be reachable and accessible for them at any point of time. That way, as and when they cross the bookshelf or the place of the book, they will be attracted towards books. With a tiny chair or any reading table placed nearby, you would soon notice them grabbing up a book and sitting comfortably going through the pages. You can keep a set of books even in your car when going on a long journey

4. Read Aloud

Reading aloud with your child keeps them not only focused, also connects the reader and listener in a very intimate way. They may ask you read a particular sentence or a story itself over and over again, just go with it. Never be lazy to read them any number of times.  Also reading aloud helps them learn the rhythm of the language and correct pronunciation.

5. Be expressive and use modulation

Make the story come alive. Create distinctive voices for the characters in a story, and use appropriate modulation at right time. The way you modulate your voice stimulates a response in your child and this is what pulls them into the story. Encourage him/her to participate too. They would love mimicking the story.

6. Set a routine

During the early days of reading, setting a reading time and sticking onto it regularly will help the child. Mostly a routine before bedtime will work for most of the kids. Find one that works best for you and your child.

7. Encourage your child to talk about the book

Involve your child as you read. Ask them questions like what will happen next, how a character might be feeling, or how the book makes them feel. Let your child take his/her own time to respond. Encourage your child's questions and explanations too. Allow your child to retell the story. By discussing the story, you help them develop literacy skills.

8. Visit a library as and when possible

Take your kids to the library whenever possible. Regular library visits inevitably lead to more reading. When you visit the library, you can expose your children to more books and magazines. A child feels more trustworthy and responsible when he owns a library card. Also, make regular outings to your local bookstore or hunt for low-cost books at used bookstores or second-hand shops, and show kids that finding a good book is like a treasure hunt. Keep adding more and more books to their collection.

9. Don't reward with reading

Never tell your child he/she can listen to a story only if she finishes the dinner. When reading is associated with systems of reward and punishment, it isn't a positive experience for them. Children develop reading habits at their own pace. Also, when we say reading, it doesn't mean just books. Reading a newspaper or even a pamphlet is also reading. So as parents, we need to understand that anything that children read is alright, as long as they are making an effort to read. Hope these tips come in handy for parents who are looking for ways to instill the habit of reading in their children. 

Good luck, raising a reader!

P.S Thank you for going through my article. I am sure there are many other tips too that you would have come across; I would love to hear about the other ways too. Kindly share them in the comments section below!